INT. TARDIS
MARTHA
I'll see you again, mister.
The doctor smiles and Martha leaves the TARDIS as in Last
of the Time Lords. He leans against the console for a moment then pulls the
"hand brake" and the TARDIS spins out of control. Alarms blare. After
a moment he manages to fiddle some controls on the console and things settle
down.
TEN
Stop it! What was all that about,
eh? Eh? What's your problem?
FIVE
Right, just settle down now.
They bump into each other, both working at the console.
TEN
Excuse me.
FIVE
So sorry.
They step around each other and continue fiddling with
the console for a moment then suddenly they look at each other
TEN
What?
FIVE
What?
TEN
What?
{OPENING CREDITS}
INT. TARDIS (CONT'D)
FIVE
Who are you?
TEN
Oh, brilliant! I mean, totally
wrong, big emergency, universe goes bang in five minutes but... brilliant!
FIVE
I'm the Doctor, who are you?
TEN
Yes, you are! You are the doctor.
FIVE
Yes, I am. I'm the doctor.
TEN
Oh, good for you, Doctor. Good
for brilliant old you.
FIVE
Is there something wrong with
you?
TEN
Oh there it goes! The frowny
face, I remember that one!
(he grabs FIVE's face in both
his hands and squishes his cheeks around.)
Mind you, bit saggier than it
ought to be, hair's a bit grayer. That's because of me, though, the two of us
together has shorted out the time differential, should all snap back in place
when we get you back home. Be able to close that coat again. But never mind
that! Look at you! The hat, the coat, the crickety cricket stuff the... stick
of celery, yeah. Brave choice celery, but fair play to you - not a lot of men
can carry off a decorative vegetable.
FIVE
Shut up! There is something wrong
with my TARDIS and I've got to do something about it very, very quickly, and it
would help, it really would help, if there wasn't some skinny idiot ranting in
my face about everything that happens to be in front of him!
TEN
Oh. Okay. Sorry, Doctor.
FIVE
Thank you.
FIVE turns to the TARDIS console.
TEN
Oh! The back of my head!
FIVE
What?
TEN
Sorry, Sorry, not something you
see ever day, is it, the back of your own head. Mind you, I see why you wear a
hat. I don't want to seem vain, but could you keep that on?
FIVE
What have you done to my TARDIS?
You've changed the desktop theme... what is this one then, coral?
TEN
Well...
FIVE
It's worse than the leopard skin.
FIVE pulls out a pair of half moon glasses.
TEN Oohhh! There they
come! The brainy specs! You don't even need them, you just think they make you
look a bit clever.
An alarm sounds.
FIVE
That's an alert. Level five.
Indicates a temporal collision. It's like two TARDISes have merged, but there's
definitely only one TARDIS present. Looks like two time zones at war in the
heart of the TARDIS. That's a paradox. Could blow a hole in the space time
continuum the size of...
TEN nonchalantly pushes the monitor on the console around
for FIVE to look at.
FIVE
...Well, actually, the
exact size of Belgium. That's a bit undramatic, isn't? Belgium?
TEN pulls out the sonic screwdriver.
TEN
Need this?
FIVE
No, I'm fine.
TEN
Oh no, of course, you mostly went
hands free didn't you? It's like 'hey, I'm the doctor, I can save the universe
with a kettle and some string, and look at me, I'm wearing a vegetable!"
FIVE approaches TEN and looks him in the eye.
FIVE
Who are you?
TEN
Take a look.
FIVE
Oh... oh no.
TEN
Oh yes.
FIVE
You're... oh no, you're…
TEN
Here it comes, yep, yep I am.
FIVE A fan!
He looks disgusted and returns to the TARDIS console as
it begins beeping again.
TEN
Yep!
(realizes what FIVE said)
What?
FIVE
Level ten now. This is bad. Two
minutes to Belgium.
TEN
What do you mean 'a fan'? I'm not
just a fan, I'm you!
FIVE
(waving him off)
Okay, you're my biggest fan.
Look, it's perfectly understandable. I go zooming around space and time saving
planets, fighting monsters and being, well, let's be honest, pretty sort of
marvelous...
(TEN looks smug)
and naturally every now and then
people notice me... start up their little groups. That LINDA lot... are you one
of them? How did you get in here?
(he brandishes a finger at
TEN)
Can't have you lot knowing where
I live.
TEN
Listen to me, I'm you! I'm you
with a new face.
(TEN slaps his own cheeks)
Check out this bone structure
Doctor, because one day, you're going to be shaving it.
The Cloister Bell sounds.
FIVE
The Cloister Bell.
TEN
Yep, right on time, that's my
cue.
Both Doctors jump in to action and begin working at the
console
FIVE
In less than a minute we're going
to detonate a black hole strong enough to swallow the entire universe!
TEN pauses.
TEN
Yeah, that's my fault, actually;
I was rebuilding the TARDIS; forgot to put the shields back up. Your TARDIS and
my TARDIS... well the same TARDIS, different points in its own time steam
collided and, oop, there you go, end of the universe, butterfingers. But don't
worry, I know exactly how this all works out. Venting the thermal buffer,
flooring the Helmic regulator, and just to finish off, lets fry those Zeiton
crystals.
FIVE
(stops him)
You'll blow up the TARDIS.
TEN
It's the only way out.
FIVE
Who told you that?
TEN
You told me that!
He pulls a lever and the screen goes white. After a shot
of the TARDIS flying through time and space we see the Doctors again.
FIVE
Supernova and black hole at the
exact same instant.
TEN
Explosion cancels out implosion.
FIVE
Matter stays constant.
TEN
(looks at FIVE)
Brilliant!
FIVE
Far too brilliant. I've never met
anyone else who could fly the TARDIS like that.
TEN
Sorry, mate, you still haven't.
FIVE
You didn't have time to work all
that out, even I couldn't do it.
TEN
I didn't work it out, I didn't
have to.
FIVE
You remembered.
TEN
Because you will remember
FIVE
You remembered being me, watching
you, doing that. You already knew what to do because I watched you do it.
TEN
Wibbley wobbley…
FIVE and TEN together:
Timey whimey!
TEN goes for a high five but finds only air. He has an
awkward moment. And then an alarm sounds.
TEN
What? TARDISes are separating,
sorry, Doctor, time's up, back to long ago... Where are you now? Nyssa and
Tegan, Cybermen and Mara and Time Lords in funny hats and the Master? Oh he
just showed up again, same as ever.
FIVE
Oh no. Really? Does he still have
that rubbish beard?
TEN
No... no beard this time... well,
a wife.
FIVE
(looks confused for a moment
and then he begins to fade)
Oh, I seem to be off. What can I
say? Thank you... Doctor.
TEN
Thank you.
FIVE
I'm very welcome.
He fades away completely but TEN flips a switch and
brings him back. He picks up FIVE's hat from the console and walks towards him.
TEN
You know... I loved being you.
Back when I first started, at the very beginning, I was always trying to be old
and grumpy and important, like you do when you're young. And then I was you...
and it was all dashing about and playing cricket and my voice going all squeaky
when I shouted... I still do that! The voice thing, I got that from you. Oh!
(puts his foot on the console)
and the trainers and...
(reaches in his pocket and
takes out his glasses and puts them on.)
... snap. 'Cause you know what,
Doctor? You were my Doctor.
FIVE tips his hat.
FIVE
To days to come.
TEN
All my love to long ago.
FIVE fades away but we hear his voice.
FIVE
Oh, Doctor, remember to put your
shields up.
TEN presses a button, again like in The Last of the Time
Lords and we hear the blast of a ships horn as he is sent flying. He sees the
ship.
TEN
What?
He picks up a life preserver that says
"TITANIC".
TEN
What?
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