He runs quickly towards the source of the shouting.ROSE
Doctor! Doctor, the trap!
INT. WAREHOUSE
He enters one of the outbuildings that now appears to be some sort of warehouse, from which various echoing shouts and scuffling sounds are emanating from above him.
The man enters the warehouse, and runs towards the noise, up several flights of metal stairs. He slowly approaches a door at the end of a long corridor, which has ominous banging and growling sounds coming from it. There is a bright light coming from it. He walks cautiously up to the door, and opens it to reveal a ferocious snarling monster, who roars at him.THE DOCTOR
Where's he gone? Can you see him?
ROSE
There he is! Stop - no! Watch out! There!
THE DOCTOR
Where?
ROSE
There! Over there!
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
Cut to the same man, Elton, at home in front of his home video camera.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMELTONOPENING CREDITS
(to the camera)
That's what it did. It went RRROOOOAAAAAAAAARRR! And if you think that was the most exciting day of my life - wait 'til you hear the rest. Oh boy...
INT. WAREHOUSEELTON
So there I was, with that thing going RAAAAH!
Cut to the roaring monster. As it slowly approaches Elton, snarling menacingly, the Doctor appears directly behind the door, holding up a large pork chop just out of the monsters reach.
The monster turns to face the Doctor, who addresses Elton, who is still standing motionless, in shock.THE DOCTOR
Here, boy! Eat the food! C'mon, look at the lovely food! Isn't' that nice? Isn't it? Yes it is!
Rose comes charging onto the scene and with a loud cry, flings the contents of a blue steaming bucket onto the monster. The monster howls and clutches its eyes.THE DOCTOR (CONT'D(
Get out of here, quickly!
(to the monster)
Have some, boy! Wouldn't you like a porky-choppy then?
(shouts to Elton)
I said, run!
The monster spots Rose, who whimpers and sprints off in the opposite direction.THE DOCTOR (CONT'D)
Wrong one! You made it worse!
ROSE
You said blue!
THE DOCTOR
I said "not blue"!
He slams the door shut. There is a moment of silence and stillness during which Elton stares on in shock, a Scooby Doo style chase scene takes place, with the Doctor, Rose and the monster all screaming, yelling and running haphazardly though three long corridors running at right angles to the main one in which Elton is standing there, watching in complete bewilderment. The monster chases the Doctor one way, Rose the other, then both of them, until Rose turns on the monster with a red bucket, chasing him in one direction and then the other, the Doctor now following, until he stops, notices Elton, and then -THE DOCTOR (CONT'D)
(irritated)
Oh... hold on!
Elton just runs, down the stairs and out of the building.THE DOCTOR (CONT'D)
(confused)
Hold on... don't I know you?
EXT. BUILDING SITE
As he stands against a wall, panting, he hears the TARDIS engines again.
Elton leans against the wall, with the deflated air of someone who has missed a great opportunity.ELTON
(voice-over)
You can't imagine it - the Doctor's machine - the most beautiful sound in the world.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
EXT. STREETELTON
(speaking very seriously)
Yet that wasn't the first time I met the Doctor - and it certainly wasn't the last - Ohhh no. I just put that bit at the beginning because it's a brilliant opening. But... erm... this is the story of me, and my encounters with alien life-forms. But be warned, because it is gonna get scarrrrry.
(leans towards the camera menacingly, teeth bared)
I-- I need a remote control zoom, I'm having to do that with the lean - the scarrrrry. But look, don't worry, 'cos it's not just me sitting here talking - Ohhh no.
He's now standing on an ordinary suburban street, talking to a home video camera.
Ursula waves a gloved hand in front of the camera.ELTON
That's Ursula on camera.
The camera moves, and we see a blur before it focuses to view a beige-coloured terraced house in the middle of the street, then shifts again to see Elton standing in front of the building.URSULA
Hello!
ELTON
My good friend, Ursula Blake, and my brand-new camera.
INT. ELTON'S CHILDHOOD HOUSEELTON (CONT'D)
That was my family home, down there.
(whispers)
I did try, but there's two women live there now and they're a bit... severe.
(he grimaces)
So... never mind. But that - is where it all started. That's when I first met the Doctor.
We see a faded, blurry view of the inside of an ordinary house, Elton's family home. It is very dark, at night, and the view is low, near the ground, through the eyes of a very young Elton.
We see a blurred progression, young Elton moving down the dark stairs and into the living room. He looks up to a blurred image of the Doctor, standing there and looking straight at the him, a disturbed expression on his face.ELTON
(voice-over)
What was it... erm... I must have been 3 or 4 years old. Middle of the night, went downstairs, and there was this - man.
EXT. STREET
The image then fades, to leave Elton staring at the house, reminiscing.
He pauses a moment, lost in thought - then he waves his hands at the camera, and the filming cuts.URSULA
So what happened? Elton, tell me. Why was he there?
ELTON
I don't know. I - I still don't know. All those years ago...
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
Quick cut to footage of Elton John in front of a piano, performing in his usual glitzy clothes.ELTON
OK, first thing's first, my name is Elton. Er... not to be confused with -
EXT. HIGH STREETELTON (CONT'D)
I left school, got a job, Transport Manager, Rated Logistics, modest little haulage company, perfectly normal life, and then... it all went mad.
We see Elton going shopping in a busy London street, carrying shopping bags and examining things in shop windows.
As Elton walks past a shop window, a dummy in it raises his arm and hits the glass in the window, which suddenly explodes behind him. As he stops in shock, all the other windows suddenly explode one after each other and the dummies march out, creating chaos. Elton stares at them. (1x01 "Rose")ELTON (CONT'D)
(voiceover)
Two years ago, I was in town, I was stocking up. You know, nothing special, all the usual stuff, when all of a sudden...
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
EXT. HIGH STREETELTON (CONT'D)
Shop window dummies! Come to life!
The dummies march through the streets, shooting people with jets of red light. They shoot telephone wires, causing electrical fires, and smash up cars, with people screaming and running in all directions. Elton, fleeing the scene, nearly gets run over by a confused driver trying to avoid the people running in the road.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
EXT. STREETELTON (CONT'D)
I survived... obviously...
A new street - Elton walks down it along with other ordinary people going about their day-to-day business - Elton is the first to notice something...
There is a loud humming sound and Elton and all the other shoppers look up in time to see a large alien spaceship (1x04 "Aliens of London"), ejecting clouds of black smoke, flying very low through the streets above everyone's heads and crashing into the top of Big Ben, ripping the clock face and bell tower off and sending bits and pieces flying everywhere, the bell tolling as the spaceship hits it. The shoppers put their hands to their mouths and Elton stares in horror.ELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
Twelve months later, I'm back in town. I'm up west, looking for a new suit, something nice and smart, when I hear this plane overhead.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
INT. ELTON'S BEDROOMELTON (CONT'D)
But it wasn't over yet, 'cos then... Christmas Day...
We see Elton sleeping in his bed under a duvet.
The window explodes inwards (2005 Christmas Special "The Christmas Invasion"). His eyes snap open.ELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
I'm in bed fast asleep, nice and cosy, quarter to eight in the morning, when all of a sudden -
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
INT. ELTON'S BEDROOMELTON (CONT'D)
(gesturing outwards with his hands)
SMASH!
The smash replays, shards of glass flying in all directions.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
INT. ELTON'S BEDROOMELTON (CONT'D)
(gesturing at his bed)
And I was stuck in bed, right, 'cos there was glass everywhere! And I was barefoot! I had to invent a rudimentary pulley system, just to reach my boots! And by the time I'd done that...
Elton looks out of his broken bedroom window to see the Sycorax spaceship - he stares, open mouthed.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
EXT. PARKELTON (CONT'D)
And that's when it all started happening. That's how I met Ursula-
Cut to Ursula, sitting on a park bench.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMURSULA
His name is the Doctor.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON
That's how I met Victor Kennedy -
Cut to Mr Kennedy, moving to strike Elton with his hand.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMVICTOR
You stupid man!
INT. LAUNDERETTEELTON
That's how I met Jackie Tyler -
Cut to Jackie, in the launderette.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMJACKIE
Oh, you don't meet many Eltons!
INT. ELTON'S CHILDHOOD HOUSEELTON
And that's how I finally met the Doctor - and realised the truth.
We see the faded image from Elton's childhood, of the Doctor looking down on him as a little boy - the same one as before.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
When Elton re-appears, he has his head rested on his arms and appears dejected. The camera cuts out.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
When it records again, Elton sniffs and wipes his nose as he turns the camera to face him, as though he had just been crying.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMELTON
Um, I should say, this isn't my whole life. It's not all... spaceships and stuff, 'cos I'm into all sorts of things. Er... I like football... I like a drink... I like Spain, and if there's one thing I really love, Jeff Lynne and the Electric Light Orchestra - 'cos you can't beat a bit of ELO.
Cut to Elton dancing to "Mr Blue Sky", jumping around, etc. He stomps on his sofa and plays air drums, whirling around in his swivel chair.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
Elton switches his home video back on.
INT. ELTON'S BEDROOMELTON (CONT'D)
So - great big spaceship hanging over London. Imagine the theories.
We see Elton typing in front of his computer when suddenly, sparks and smoke fly from it, and the monitor explodes. Elton jumps backwards.
Elton opens up an Internet blog titled, "MY INVASION BLOG", with a large photograph of the Doctor against a falling snowflake background.ELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
The Internet was on meltdown. But I kept on digging. Something was going on - ohhh yes.
EXT. PARKELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
And then one day, on some obscure little blog by someone called Ursula Blake, it was like a chance in a million. It was him - it was that man again but the photo was new, it was taken on Christmas Day but Christmas just gone. And he looked exactly the same.
Elton and Ursula Blake are sitting together on a park bench, talking about the Doctor.
EXT. PARKURSULA
His name is the Doctor.
ELTON
Doctor what?
URSULA
That's all anyone knows. On Christmas Day I was taking photos all over the place. I went mad with it all - spaceships and lasers and everything. We all went to Trafalgar Square that night, 'cos everyone was celebrating - just being alive. And I snapped him in passing, that's all. He was just some bloke. I didn't realise he was significant, until Mr Skinner pointed it out.
ELTON
Who's Mr Skinner?
URSULA
Oh, there's a few of us. The Inner Sanctum, all studying this Doctor.
ELTON
(sliding closer to her)
I've seen him. The Doctor - I swear to you, I saw him when I was a kid. He was in my house, and he was downstairs.
URSULA
Don't tell me - he looked exactly the same then as he does now.
ELTON
(amazed)
Yes - yes! Oh my God. You believe me!
URSULA
(grinning)
You're not the only one, you know...
Elton and Ursula walk through the park together.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON
(voice-over)
So that's how I met Ursula - all thanks to the Doctor. Turns out we read all the same sites and she only lived half a mile away. She was like a proper mate. Poor Ursula.
A quick flash-forward of Ursula screaming in pain and fear.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
In front of his home video, Elton sits reminiscing. It cuts, before Elton speaks again.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON (CONT'D)
But like she said, there was this little community - the select few, all with their stories of the Doctor.
A group of people are crowded round a table in a basement, talking and laughing.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
This little gang used to meet up, underneath the old library on Macateer Street. Mr Skinner, first name Colin, but we always called him Mr Skinner. I don't know why, we... just did.
Mr Skinner shows the others a presentation on a paper board, and making marks on it.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSMR SKINNER
To me, the Doctor isn't a man, he's more a collection of archetypes...
We see Bridget showing them a presentation, but on a slide projector, the lights dimmed.ELTON
(voice-over)
Then there was Bridget.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSBRIDGET
All these different Doctors come and go, but the single constant factor is this faux police box. It keeps cropping up, throughout history...
ELTON
(voice-over)
She lived way up North, but she travelled down without fail, just for the meetings.
Bliss uncovers and shows the others her own modern interpretive art creation. The others look on.ELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
Then, there was Bliss.
The others nod understandingly.BLISS
What I'm trying to do is sum up the Doctor - what he means to us.
ELTON
(voice-over)
She was ever so sweet - bless. Bless Bliss, we used to say.
BLISS
What he could represent and what he should represent. And what he... never won't represent... sort of thing.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERS
The gang are gathered round the table again.
Everyone laughs and nods comprehension.URSULA
We should have a name. You know - as a group.
BLISS
(in agreement)
Names are very important.
ELTON
What we need is a good, strong name, like a team. Something like... London Investigation 'n' Detective Agency - LINDA for short.
MR SKINNER
Say it again.
ELTON
London Investigation 'n' Detective Agency.
MR SKINNER
'N'?
ELTON
Fish 'n' Chips, Rock 'n' Roll... Chaka Demus 'n' Pliers!
And everyone toasts LINDA together.BRIDGET
Oooh, I like it - it's not too solemn.
BLISS
I like the 'n'.
MR SKINNER
We're the men from LINDA!
BRIDGET
And the women!
MR SKINNER
Linda United!
URSULA
(to Elton)
Did you think of that on the spot?
ELTON
(shaking his head)
No, I've been wanting to use it for years.
MR SKINNER
(raising his glass)
I give you... LINDA!
EVERYONE
LINDA!
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON
So we'd all meet up, every week, and we'd talk about the Doctor for a bit. But after a while... Bridget started cooking.
Everyone crowds round a table displaying some of Bridget's culinary creations. Bridget is serving everyone.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSURSULA
Oh my God, that's gorgeous! No really, wow! Oi, the rest of you, get your hands off!
Everyone is on chairs in a row in front of Mr Skinner, who is reading aloud from a pile of papers from a box file in his lap.ELTON
(voice-over)
The next thing you know, Mr Skinner started his readings, 'cos he was writing his own novel.
Everyone groans, disappointed that it's over.MR SKINNER
That's the last time you ride the ghost train, Johnny Fransetta... now say your prayers! To be continued...
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSBLISS
You can't leave it there!
Bridget is talking to the others. Everyone is sitting in a circle.ELTON
As time went on, we got to know each other better and better.
Bridget is unable to hold back tears, and she begins to cry.BRIDGET
I started all of this because... erm... my daughter disappeared. It wasn't aliens that took her away - it was just - drugs. I come down to London, every week, and I just keep looking for her.
The others all look on sympathetically as Ursula puts an arm around her.URSULA
(softly)
Bridget...
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERS
Bliss is playing a guitar and singing, whilst everyone sits around her in a circle, listening.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSBLISS
(singing)
# I gave my love a chicken, it had no bone / I gave my love a cherry, it had no stone...
We then see Bliss playing her guitar more upbeat than before and Ursula joining in with a tambourine. They are both singing, and the others watch, clapping in time with the music.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMELTON
(voice-over)
Then it turned out that Bridget could play the piano, and I confessed my love of ELO. Next thing you know...
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON (CONT'D)
Musical LINDA.
The group have formed a band - Bridget on the piano, Mr Skinner on drums, Bliss on rhythm guitar and Bridget on bass guitar. Elton is centre-stage as the lead singer with a microphone.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMELTON
# You got me running, goin' outta my mind... / You got me thinking that I'm wasting my time /
(with Bridget)
Don't bring me down.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON
Just for fun.
He twirls around and they continue the performance, Elton offering the microphone to the others so they can take turns to sing. Suddenly, the electricity is apparently cut and the basement goes pitch black.ELTON
(singing, with Ursula)
# Don't bring me down!
The basement outer door has opened, with a banging sound, and a black silhouette is shown as a white light illuminates the inner doors and the basement. We hear a creaking gate as the shadow opens them and enters. LINDA stare at him, confused.MR SKINNER
Careful, mind the cables.
The lights switch on, one by one.ELTON
(voice-over)
And that's when it all changed, that Tuesday night in March. That's when HE arrived.
VICTOR
(setting down his briefcase)
Lights!
Victor Kennedy looks down at them all, aloof. LINDA stare right back, complete bewildered. He is clothed in black, with a black cloak, a black top-hat and a black-and-silver cane.ELTON
(voice-over)
That's when we met Victor Kennedy. The golden age - was gone.
They all, finally, back away.VICTOR
(voice dripping with sarcasm)
So, we meet at last... "LINDA".
MR SKINNER
(extending a hand)
Pleased to meet you, sir. I'm sorry, was the music too loud?
VICTOR
(backing away)
No no no no, I don't shake hands - back, back. I suffer from a skin complaint - Eczeema.
ELTON
Oh, you mean "eczema"?
VICTOR
Oh, this is worse - much worse - I blister to the touch. Back, back - all of you, further, further. Thank you.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON
Sorry, don't mind me asking, but who are you?
VICTOR
I am your salvation.
LINDA are gathered around Mr Kennedy's laptop, which is showing video footage of the Doctor and Rose boarding the TARDIS.
They press closer to the laptopURSULA
That's the Doctor!
ELTON
It's really him!
VICTOR
You've forgotten your purpose in life. You, with your band... and your cakes... and your blubbing and all the while he still exists - the Doctor.
BRIDGET
Look at him, just look!
He presses a few keys.VICTOR
Move back, move back, all of you! Oh, wait for this, the picture cuts out, but the sound still continues.
Upon hearing it, Elton backs away into a corner, and sits on a chair, remembering, with his head in his hands.VICTOR (CONT'D)
Listen. Listen to the sound of the universe... yes...
INT. ELTON'S CHILDHOOD HOMEURSULA
What is it? What's wrong?
VICTOR
(stands, extends his cane)
Leave him!
(to Elton)
You've heard it before, haven't you? When? When was it? Where? Where were you?
ELTON
(quietly)
I'd forgotten, until now. But it was that night...
VICTOR
What night?
ELTON
I was just a kid... that's why I went downstairs. It woke me up. That noise...
Back to Elton’s childhood, point of view of him going down the stairs into the living room. The TARDIS sounds in the background.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERS
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON (CONT'D)
But what is it? What does it mean?
VICTOR
That is a sound of his spaceship.
Back at a table, Victor opens his briefcase and pulls out some files.
Mr Skinner almost brushes Victor's hand.VICTOR
Right then, homework! Using the Torchwood files, we’re able to look at all the old databases in a completely new light. We’re able to build up a more detailed profile of the Doctor. I’ve allocated tasks to each of you. I’d like you to-
He sits behind the main desk.VICTOR (CONT'D)
(sharply)
Careful! Watch the eczeema! I’d like you to complete your targets and meet back here this time next week, one step closer to catching the Doctor.
The others jump up and leave. VICTOR waves BLISS back.VICTOR (CONT'D)
Well don’t just sit there, MOVE!
The others all get into the service lift.VICTOR (CONT'D)
Erm, Bliss? It is Bliss, isn’t it?
BLISS
Yeah.
VICTOR
(smiles)
Could I have a word with you in private, please?
BLISS
(happily)
Course you can, yeah.
VICTOR
(still smiling)
Thank you.
(to the others-)
Goodbye, goodbye.
EXT. STREET
Elton and the others walk out onto the street.
Just as they walk out of view, Bliss screams.ELTON
Better get to work! Lots to do.
URSULA
I never thought of it as work.
ELTON
It’s what we’ve always wanted, though. To find the Doctor.
URSULA
Yeah, I suppose.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
Back in Elton's room, he is back to making his video diary.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON
All of a sudden, without anyone saying so, we were working for Victor Kennedy.
Victor is sitting behind the desk, hands steepled. The others are all sitting behind desks making notes, searching through files, etc.
Elton raises his ruler in the air to get Victor's attention.ELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
Though we had to admit, he was right. His methods were much more rigorous. It felt like we were getting closer and closer to the Doctor.
They all start working again.ELTON
Mr Kennedy?
VICTOR
Yes?
ELTON
We... we were wondering… no sign of Bliss. Do you know where she is?
VICTOR
(thinks fast)
Yes, didn’t she tell you? She’s getting married! She left a message. It’ll never last.
(quieter)
Stupid girl.
(sharper)
Come on, back to work!
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON
But we did get lucky once.
Back to LINDA HQ. Ursula is at Elton's desk. Mr Skinner grabs a piece of paper excitedly.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMMR SKINNER
A police box! Newly arrived, it says newly arrived today! And it’s in Woolwich!
VICTOR
(grabs the paper from Mr Skinner)
Well don’t just stand there, move! Move, go, go!
INT. WAREHOUSEELTON
Don’t get excited, that’s where you came in.
Back to the deserted warehouses from the start. We get fast-forwarded through the events.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
Woolwich. Police box. Red bucket, blue bucket. Police are stupid, etcetera.
Victor towers over Elton at his desk and yells.
Victor raises a hand to hit Elton, who ducks. Ursula expression turns to anger.VICTOR
Useless!
ELTON
I just froze.
VICTOR
You met him… and you froze, you stupid man!
Victor grabs his cane and raises it.ELTON
You can’t hit me! 'Cos you don’t touch, you said so, you get a rash and an itch and--
Ursula stands up and storms over, yelling back.VICTOR
I can use this!
Ursula and Victor stare at each other a for a moment.URSULA
Use that cane on him and you’ll get one hell of a smack off me! And then a good kick! Is that completely understood, Mr Kennedy?
VICTOR
Duly noted. Ursula... Blake. Most likely to fight back.
Elton and Ursula share a grateful smile.VICTOR (CONT'D)
Right then! We’ll change tack, we’ll approach this sideways.
A bad digital photo of Rose.VICTOR (CONT'D)
If we’re to discover the truth about the Doctor, then we need to try and find… her.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERS
The photo has been projected on a wall, and changes to an an image of her outside Downing Street. Victor is standing at the front, the others are sitting to listen.VICTOR
Now when it comes to the Doctor’s companion, the Torchwood files are strangely lacking.
He clicks a remote at the projector, the photos change again.VICTOR (CONT'D)
It seems the evidence has been corrupted, something called ‘Bad Wolf’ virus. At least we’ve got these photographs.
He hands a printed photograph to each one.VICTOR (CONT'D)
They’re first hand evidence. Elton?
ELTON
It was a London accent, definitely. She’s from London.
VICTOR
So we hit the streets. We get out there, we take the photographs. Someone’s got to know who she is somewhere.
BRIDGET
Yes, but London’s a big place. I mean I should know, my own daughter’s out there.
VICTOR
Bridget, don’t make this personal. I don’t like to be touched literally, OR metaphorically, thank you very much, I haven’t got the time. Bleeding hearts outside! Find me that girl!
EXT. BUSY LONDON STREETVICTOR (CONT'D)
Go. Now, move!
ELTON steps out into a busy London street, checking the photograph of Rose.
She walks off, leaving Elton looking bemused. After a satisfied smile, Elton runs through the street the way the Old Lady pointed.ELTON
(voice-over)
So it began. The impossible task. To scour the mean streets, to search a major capital city for an unknown girl. To hunt down that face in a seething metropolis of lost souls. To find that one girl in ten million--
OLD LADY
Oh, that’s Rose Tyler. She lives just down there -
(she points down a street)
Bucknell House, number forty-eight. Her mother’s Jackie Tyler. Nice family. Bit odd...
INT. ELTON'S BEDROOM
Elton dances around his room to ELO again.
EXT. STREET
On the streets, he runs between two parked cars but stops when he hears something.
Jackie is walking up the other side of the street with two plastic bags full of washing.WOMAN
Oi, Jackie!
Elton raises the photo of Rose, comparing her to Jackie.JACKIE
Hello sweetheart!
Jackie enters the ‘Wash Inn’ launderette. Elton has an idea, and quickly strips off his jacket, then his shirt. Slipping the jacket back on, he screws up his shirt and follows Jackie in.JACKIE (CONT'D)
I’ll see you down the Spinning Wheel tonight, yeah? Pub quiz, get ‘em in!
WOMAN
All right then.
INT. LAUNDERETTE
In the launderette, Jackie is sorting through her washing.
He opens one of the washing machines and puts his shirt in.ELTON
(voice-over)
I’d been trained for this. Victor Kennedy’s classes covered basic surveillance and espionage.
Jackie calls over to him.ELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
Step one: engage your target. Find some excuse to start a conversation. But how was I gonna do this? How?
Elton rummages in his pocket.JACKIE
Excuse me love, you couldn’t give us a quid for two fifties, could you?
He pulls out a pound coin and trades it with Jackie.ELTON
Yeah... just a... ah, da-da!
Elton turns back to his washing machine.JACKIE
Oh lovely! Cheers.
Elton can’t believe his luck.ELTON
(voice-over)
Step two: without provoking suspicion, get on first name terms with the target.
JACKIE
My name’s Jackie. By the way.
They both laugh.ELTON
I’m Elton.
JACKIE
Ah, you don’t meet many Eltons, do you? Apart from the obvious!
Elton isn’t sure what to make of that, but laughs anyway.ELTON
(voice-over)
Step three: ingratiate yourself with a joke or some humourous device.
JACKIE
(laughs)
I tell you what, Elton. Here we are, complete strangers, and I’m flashing you me' knickers!
Elton goes to say something, but Jackie gets there first.ELTON
(voice-over)
Step four: find some subtle way to integrate yourself into the target’s household.
INT. TYLERS' FLAT, KITCHENJACKIE
Mind you, I’m only down here because my washing machine’s knackered. I don’t suppose you’re any good at fixing things, are you?
Elton is crouched behind the washing machine changing the plug, Jackie is watching him.
He stands up, and Jackie stops flouncing her hair.ELTON
Here we are. It was a fuse. There’s nothing wrong with the machine. That’s fine. All working!
They laugh.JACKIE
Oh Elton, I should have you on tap!
INT. TYLERS' FLAT, LIVING ROOMJACKIE (CONT'D)
I used to have this little mate called Mickey, he did all that stuff.
(quieter, nostalgic)
He’s gone now. Bless him.
ELTON
Well, if you need me, give us a call. I’ll jot down my number.
JACKIE
Well you do that, and I’ll make us a cup of tea. Go on, go and sit down. Put the telly on if you want, can’t bear it silent.
Elton walks into the living room and looks round. He sees the photos of Rose at various ages on the mantelpiece.
INT. TYLERS' FLAT, LIVING ROOMJACKIE
(from kitchen)
It’s just me these days, rattling about.
Jackie and Elton are sitting on the sofa drinking tea.
They laugh and sip their tea, Jackie peering at him over the top of her mug.JACKIE
There’s my daughter, she’s gone travelling. I keep her bedroom all nice and ready though, just in case she comes back.
ELTON
And her name is?
JACKIE
Rose.
ELTON
It’s a nice name, Rose. So where’s she... travelling?
JACKIE
All over. She got a mobile, I get a call now and then. Not so often as I’d like. Still, that age, who can be bothered phoning home?
ELTON
Who’s she with, is it mates, is it, or...
JACKIE
Just mates. Yeah.
ELTON
Well, if I had you making a nice cup of tea like this, I wouldn’t stray far from home.
JACKIE
(smiles)
You’re a charmer. Say it again.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERS
Victor is happier.
He gets his mobile out and shows the photo to the group.VICTOR
Magnificent! Oh I could kiss you! Except I can’t, of course. The eczeema.
ELTON
I’ve even got a picture of her on my phone.
The group turn and leave.MR SKINNER
Oh it’s amazing! You’ve achieved steps one to four in precise order! How did you manage it?
ELTON
Well, I had to work very hard. She keeps everything very close to her chest.
URSULA
That’s a hell of a chest.
BRIDGET
But how do you move on? Step five, that’s the problem...
VICTOR
Step five! That’s this week’s homework. I want a full plan of attack from each of you. Now go on, vamoose!
(bangs his cane on the desk)
Avante! There’s work to do!
Bridget and Mr Skinner stop and turn back.VICTOR (CONT'D)
And Elton - keep infiltrating, you will do anything to get than information, boy, anything!
ELTON
Yes sir!
VICTOR
Oh, oh Bridget! Bridget, oh yes...
Mr Skinner gives her a kiss on the cheek. Elton and Ursula smile from the doorway, then leave as Mr Skinner joins them.VICTOR (CONT'D)
Could I have a word with you in private, please?
BRIDGET
Er, Mr Skinner’s giving me a lift.
VICTOR
Oh, I can drop you at the station, I’m sure Mr Skinner won’t mind, will you?
MR SKINNER
Not at all... erm... well, Bridget, I’ll see you next week.
BRIDGET
All right then.
EXT. STREETBRIDGET (CONT'D)
Bye bye!
Outside, Ursula, Elton and Mr Skinner are walking away.
Bridge screams from the basement, unnoticed by the three of them.URSULA
Now Mr Skinner, I don’t mean to pry - but did you give Bridget a little kiss back then?
MR SKINNER
I think I did.
URSULA
And if you get your way, might there be more little kisses between the two of you?
MR SKINNER
I think there might...
URSULA
I knew it!
ELTON
That’s brilliant!
MR SKINNER
Now, let’s not get excited. We’ll see.
INT. TYLERS' FLAT
Jackie brings in a plate of biscuits and a mug of tea while Elton fixes another plug. Cut between him doing various odd jobs, putting up shelves.
Elton is standing on a stool, probably changing a light bulb - Jackie eyes up his stomach before offering him a cup of tea.ELTON
(voice-over)
Infiltration went well, cause Jackie kept phoning up needing this and needing that.
JACKIE
(of the shelves, gesturing)
Down a bit.
ELTON
(voice-over)
It was strange, the amount of things that needed doing.
Cut to him changing a fuse or three. Then he's got his head buried under the kitchen sink - Jackie enters, about to say something, but shuts her mouth and instead contemplates his bum.ELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
It’s like that flat was jinxed.
Jackie has entered behind him, in a very short black skirt. As Elton turns round, he comes face to face with her stomach, and quickly stands up.ELTON
(now wedged in the small gap between the wall and the sofa)
It’s weird these fuses keep blowing. Must be near a sub station. Then you get the power surges still... there we go! Fixed!
She’s really gone to town - makeup, her hair loose and a tight fitting top that shows off her chest. She hands Elton a glass of red wine.JACKIE
Here we are! A little reward for my favourite handyman.
Elton nods, a little nervy.ELTON
I shouldn’t really, I’ve got the car outside.
JACKIE
Well, you could always splash out on a taxi, or...
(suggestively)
Whatever. See what happens.
They clink glasses and drink.ELTON
Right... cheers?
JACKIE
Cheers.
A pause, and we can hear Il Divo in the background.ELTON
Very nice. What’s that, French?
JACKIE
I s’pose so. They know how to do things, the French...
ELTON
Is it from Rose? I mean, is she in France?
JACKIE
My daughter won’t be coming back tonight. Just in case you’re wondering. We’ve got the place to ourselves.
ELTON
Right...
She advances on Elton, who backs away into the wall.ELTON (CONT'D)
(after listening)
Nice music.
JACKIE
Il Divo.
ELTON
Yeah.
JACKIE
You were saying, power surges.
She 'accidentally' spills her wine down his shirt.ELTON
From the sub station, yeah.
JACKIE
Is that why it gets so hot in here?
ELTON
Is it hot?
JACKIE
Oh I think so. Should take your jacket off.
ELTON
No, I’m fine, I’ll just--
JACKIE
No, look, you must be boiling!
Jackie sloshes the rest of her glass over the shirt - deliberately, not even pretending it's an accident.JACKIE (CONT'D)
Oh, look at your shirt! Sorry...
ELTON
I’m... I’m... I’m fine, it’s all right.
JACKIE
I’ve ruined it.
ELTON
No, no. Honestly, it’s.. it’s fine.
JACKIE
Take it off, I’ll put it in the wash.
ELTON
Oh come on, it’s only a little drop.
INT. TYLERS' FLAT, BATHROOMJACKIE
Oh... there now. Ruined.
Elton scoots into the bathroom and starts shrugging off his jacket.
He takes his shirt off, and starts preening himself - doing his hair, spraying deodorant, etc.ELTON
(voice-over)
And there I was. The ultimate step five.
He gargles with mouthwash, then makes some boxing moves to psych himself up.ELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
The perfect infiltration.
He points at himself in the mirror and clicks his fingers before leaving the bathroom.ELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
Target - Jackie Tyler.
INT. TYLERS' FLAT, JACKIE'S BEDROOM
Elton appears in Jackie's bedroom door.
Jackie's sitting on the bed, talking to someone on the phone.ELTON
You’re right, it is a bit hot. But it’s about to get hotter!
Elton looks concerned.JACKIE
(on the phone)
I’ll see you soon. All right, be careful.
She replaces the phone and sighs.JACKIE (CONT'D)
Bye.
She finally turns to the half naked Elton - Elton in turn looks sheepish.ELTON
Everything alright?
JACKIE
That was my daughter.
Elton turns to leave, but has a thought.JACKIE (CONT'D)
Oh, look at you. I’m sorry. I was just being stupid.
ELTON
Is she okay?
JACKIE
She’s so far away. I get left here sometimes and, um... I don’t know where she is, anything could be happening to her, anything. And I just go a bit mad.
(pause)
Put your shirt back on.
ELTON
(quietly)
Where is she?
JACKIE
Doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. You’d better go.
EXT. SUBWAYELTON
Actually...
ELTON
(voice-over)
That’s when it struck me. Funny the things you think of with your shirt off. But that’s when I realised what was really important.
ELTON
Never mind about Rose. I’m not even gonna ask. And I will put my shirt back on, because I’m going to go out and get us both a pizza. Cause I reckon you need cheering up. She goes swanning off and who’s left to care about you, eh? So I say a nice bit of pizza, we’ll put the telly on nice and loud and annoy that woman next door, just you and me as proper mates. Yeah? Mates. Go on. Say yes.
JACKIE
(whispers)
Yes!
Elton walks back through the subway with a box of pizza
INT. ELTON'S BEDROOMELTON
(voiceover)
All of a sudden, a lot of things made sense. I’d got so lost in conspiracies and aliens and targets, I’d been missing the obvious. Cos I DID like Jackie, but I liked someone else even more!
Back in his flat, ELTON is dancing along to ‘Mr Blue Sky’ by ELO. Cut to various clips of him and Ursula together, all the good times they've had.
EXT. THE POWELL ESTATE
Back on the estate, Jackie is standing waiting outside, holding Elton's jacket.
She pulls out his photograph of Rose.ELTON
Right. Let’s get inside then, the pizza’s getting cold.
JACKIE
(coldly)
I went in your coat. For once in my life I thought ‘I’ll pay’. I thought ‘He’s such a nice man, he won’t accept anything, so I’ll just slip a tenner in his pocket’. And look what I found.
She runs back into the flat in tears, leaving Elton standing with the pizza and his jacket.JACKIE (CONT'D)
A photograph of my daughter.
ELTON
No no no no no, it’s not like that. I can explain!
JACKIE
I bet you can.
ELTON
I wasn’t being pervy or anything, I wasn’t after her! I was looking for the Doctor.
JACKIE
Oh I know that. I worked that out. 'Cos it’s never me, is it?
ELTON
No, but that’s how it started, but I changed my mind!
JACKIE
Let me tell you something. About those who get left behind. Because it’s hard. And that’s what you become, hard. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that I will never let her down. And I’ll protect them both until the end of my life. So whatever you want, I’m warning you: back off.
ELTON
But Jackie, I only wanted to meet him.
JACKIE
I thought you liked me.
ELTON
I do!
JACKIE
(shouting, upset)
Just get out of here!
(throws his jacket at him)
I said get OUT! And leave me alone!
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERs
Elton's not happy.
Elton exchanges a look with Ursula and Elton and shrugs.ELTON
And she was right! It’s shameful, we USED that woman--
VICTOR
I KNEW I couldn’t trust you! You broke cover, you STUPID little man, you failed step five!
ELTON
I don’t CARE about step five! Because it’s all gone wrong, Mr Kennedy, ever since YOU turned up! We used to come here every week, and we’d have a laugh. We were friends. No wonder they stopped coming. I mean there’s no Bliss any more, and even Bridget, she hasn’t turned up.
MR SKINNER
I’ve been phoning and phoning her, there’s no reply.
ELTON
And who can blame her?! I’m sorry Victor, but you’re on your own. Because I am leaving! And so are you, Mr Skinner! And as for you, Ursula -
(walks over to her desk and stands over her)
You’re coming with me. And we’re going to the Golden Locust and we’re gonna have a Chinese.
URSULA
What’s that got to do with it?
ELTON
I mean you and me. Together. Having a meal. If you want...
URSULA
(touched)
Oh... I’d love it.
VICTOR
But you can’t leave. You’ll never know what he was doing, the Doctor. You’ll never know what he was doing in your house all those years ago.
ELTON
No. I’ll never know.
(pause)
Ursula, get your stuff. Mr Skinner, are you coming? Not to the Chinese, if you don’t mind, just sort of walking out.
MR SKINNER
I certainly am!
ELTON
Victor. Good luck. Good bye.
VICTOR
Mr Skinner! Would you stay for a minute, please?
MR SKINNER
We're walking out.
VICTOR
I've got numbers for Bridget! I've kept records, I've got old numbers.
(rummages in bag)
We could track her down. Together. You and I.
Elton and Ursula turn towards the door and Victor gestures for Mr Skinner to come up to the desk.MR SKINNER
That's more like the old team spirit. You two have a nice time.
URSULA
I hope you find her.
ELTON
I'll email you.
Mr Skinner approaches the desk.VICTOR
Just come a little closer. Come on.
EXT. STREET
Elton and Ursula walk briskly along the street outside, hand in hand.
A scream from Mr Skinner emits from the building, which neither of them hear.URSULA
Mm, prawns!
ELTON
Yeah, I like prawns.
URSULA
Do you?
They turn back.ELTON
Crispy aromatic though.
URSULA
(feeling her pockets)
Oh, I left my phone...
ELTON
Really?
URSULA
Yeah! It's not in my pocket.
ELTON
So much for the big exit.
URSULA
Yeah... come on.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSURSULA (CONT'D)
Hurry up.
The lift clunks back down to the basement - Elton and Ursula open the gates and step out.
She trails off as she notices the lack of Mr Skinner. Victor is at his desk, hidden behind a paper.URSULA
I'm not stopping, I just left my... ph... phone.
Victor is revealed in his true form - a blob-like green alien. Fat and squelchy with a mane of black hair.URSULA (CONT'D)
Victor?
VICTOR
(slightly panicky, voice strange)
Take your phone and go.
URSULA
(looking around)
Where's Mr Skinner?
VICTOR
He's gone to the toilet.
ELTON
(he and Ursula are slowly edging towards him)
But... we haven't GOT toilets. We have to use the pub on the corner.
VICTOR
(uneasy, still hidden behind paper)
Well-- well--- well that's... that's where he is, then.
MR SKINNER
(just his voice, sounding strangely squelchy)
Help me...
URSULA
... What was that?
VICTOR
(voice rising)
Nothing, it was nothing, it was nothing!
MR SKINNER
Help me!
VICTOR
Shut up.
ELTON
That's Mr Skinner...
URSULA
(staring at the clawed green hands clutching the paper)
Victor... look at your hands.
VICTOR
(lowering the paper)
Look at the rest of me.
Mr Skinner's face is poking out of Victor's fat green belly.VICTOR (CONT'D)
You've dabbled with aliens... now meet the genuine article.
URSULA
(disgusted)
Oh my God.
ELTON
You're a... thing!
VICTOR
(put out)
A THING? This THING is my true form. Better than that crude pink shape YOU call a body.
Ursula and Elton stare.MR SKINNER
What happened? Where am I?
He licks his lips. Bridget's face is sticking out of his back.MR SKINNER (CONT'D)
Ursula? Is that you?
URSULA
(horrified)
That's Mr Skinner! What've you done to him?
VICTOR
I've absorbed him.
The sound of Bliss straining to say something comes from within Victor.BRIDGET
Colin? Is that you? Colin?
MR SKINNER
Bridget, my love?
URSULA
Oh my God! That's Bridget!
BRIDGET
(desperately)
Colin, where are you??
MR SKINNER
I'm here, Bridget! It's all right - I'm close.
URSULA
You've absorbed them BOTH!
ELTON
What about Bliss? Where is she?
Victor tilts to one side, taking his weight off one of his buttocks.ELTON (CONT'D)
... What?
Victor shifts his weight back and Bliss groans.BLISS
I said "you really don't want to know".
Victor nods with a twisted smileELTON
You've absorbed her.
Ursula suddenly grabs Victor's cane and brandishes it at him. He cowers.ELTON (CONT'D)
Are you some sort of... Absorbathon? An Absorbaling? ... An Absorbaloff?
VICTOR
Yes! I like that.
URSULA
Let them go. I'm ordering you! Let those people go!
VICTOR
Oh, but they taste so sweet. Just think about the Doctor... oooh, how will he taste? All that experience - all that knowledge - and if I've got to absorb Jackie Tyler to get to him, then so be it.
ELTON
(menacingly)
Don't you dare.
She watches, helpless, as her arm is absorbed by the Absorbaloff.URSULA
If I have to beat them out of you!
VICTOR
(simpering)
Oh, no! Please don't hit me! Look at me - I'm such a slow and clumsy beast. Please don't hit me.
URSULA
Well then... give them back.
VICTOR
What... you mean like this?
(grabs hold of Ursula's arm)
Just one touch... that's all it takes!
URSULA
Oh, no!
Ursula screams and she is absorbed head first into Victor. Victor shakes, squirming with pleasure as the outline of Ursula's face begins to emerge onto his chest.URSULA (CONT'D)
(scared)
Oh... oh no!
MR SKINNER
No!
BRIDGET
No!
ELTON
(yells, lunges forward)
Leave her alone!
URSULA
Don't touch me! Oh, Elton... I'm so sorry... you can't touch me.
ELTON
(helpless)
Ursula...
VICTOR
(triumphantly)
"Most likely to fight back" indeed.
ELTON
Leave her alone!
Ursula's face has now fully appeared on his chest.VICTOR
Yes.
ELTON
No, that's not fair!
VICTOR
(conversationally)
She tastes like chicken.
He sniggers.URSULA
Elton, where are you?
ELTON
(quietly)
Please... Mr Kennedy, please. I'm asking you. I'm begging you. Give her back to me.
VICTOR
(unsympathetically)
I can't. Once they've been absorbed, the process is irreversible.
While Elton hesitates, Victor stands with surprising agility for a creature his size. He leaps right over the desk and roars. Elton runs--URSULA
Wait a minute... now I've been absorbed, I can read his thoughts. Oh my God, Elton... you're next... get out of here...
(Victor begins to look up at Elton, smirking)
Now you've seen him, he can't let you go. Just run! Go on! Never mind me, get out!
VICTOR
Isn't she the clever one?
URSULA
(screams)
Run, Elton! Run!
MR SKINNER
Save yourself, boy!
BRIDGET
Run for your life!
EXT. STREET
Out of the doors, down the street, Victor hot on his tail.
EXT. SIDE ALLEY
Then he reaches a dead end, slamming into a closed gate. Victor comes to a halt, having Elton cornered. Elton kneels, defeated.
He reaches out to touch Elton's forehead. Elton closes his eyes, surrendering - when they hear a sound and feel a breeze that makes Victor look around and Elton open his eyes. The TARDIS materialises right in front of them, and the Doctor steps out, looking less than happy.VICTOR
(mockingly)
Ohh, what's the matter? Have you given up so soon?
ELTON
(hopelessly)
There's no point. Where would I go? Everything I ever wanted... has been absorbed.
URSULA
Oh, Elton. Don't say that.
ELTON
But it's true!
VICTOR
Then join us. Join us, little man.
(starts towards him, beckoning)
Come on... everlasting peace. Come on. Join us. Dissolve into me...
Rose steps out. She looks murderous and advances dangerously on Elton.THE DOCTOR
(to Elton)
Someone wants a word with you.
Elton stares, and then glances at the Absorbaloff - which the Doctor and Rose have completely ignored, much to his bewilderment.ROSE
(straight to the point)
You upset my mum.
Gestures the TARDIS.ELTON
... Great big absorbing creature from outer space, and you're having a go at me?
ROSE
(dismissing this)
No one upsets my mum.
VICTOR
(gleefully)
At last. The greatest feast of all. The Doctor.
THE DOCTOR
(considering him)
What's this thing? A sort Absorbatrix? Absorba... clon? Absorbaloff?
VICTOR
Absorbaloff, yes.
ROSE
(quietly, to the Doctor)
Is it me or is he a bit... Slitheen?
THE DOCTOR
(to Victor)
Not from Raxacorricofallapatorius, are you?
VICTOR
(insulted)
No! I'm not the swine! I SPIT on them! I was born on their twin planet.
THE DOCTOR
Really? What's the twin planet of Raxacorricofallapatorius?
VICTOR
Clom.
THE DOCTOR
Clom.
VICTOR
Clom. Yes. And I'll return there victorious, whilst I possess your travelling machine.
Rose looks up at the Doctor, amused. He scratches the back of his neck.THE DOCTOR
(skeptical)
Well, that's never gonna happen.
VICTOR
Oh, it will. You'll surrender yourself to me, Doctor, or this one dies.
(gestures Elton)
You see, I've read about you, Doctor. I've studied you. So passionate, so sweet. You wouldn't let an innocent man die. And I'll absorb him - unless you give yourself to me.
And he waits, as though completely indifferent about what happens to Elton. Rose glances up at him again.THE DOCTOR
Sweet... maybe. Passionate... I suppose. But don't ever mistake that for nice.
(not what Victor was expecting)
Do what you want.
Victor hesitates, completely wrong-footed. Even Rose looks slightly worried.VICTOR
(warningly)
He'll die, Doctor.
THE DOCTOR
Go on then.
He turns to Elton.VICTOR
So be it.
The three of them strain outwards, stretching Victor apart.THE DOCTOR
Mind you - the others might have something to say.
VICTOR
Others?
URSULA
He's right. The Doctor's right. We can't let him. Oh, Mr Skinner... Bridget... PULL!
VICTOR
No!
URSULA
For God's sake, pull!
VICTOR
No, don't - get off, get off!
Victor wails in pain and panic.URSULA
If it's the last thing we ever do - Bliss! All of us together! Come on! Pull!
Victor drops his cane.URSULA (CONT'D)
LINDA united! PULL!
Elton picks it up.URSULA (CONT'D)
Elton! The cane!
Elton snaps the cane in half, and it emits a shower of blue sparks. The hands on the end open outwards, revealing a glowing light.URSULA (CONT'D)
Break it!
He roars one final time, turns into liquid and falls into the pavement, gone.VICTOR
My cane! You stupid man-- oh no!
Victor dissolves into the paving stones. For a fleeting moment, the shape of Ursula's face appears on one. He lunges towards her.ELTON
... What did I do?
THE DOCTOR
(looking at the bubbling remains of Victor)
The cane created a limitation field. Now it's broken, he can't stopped. The absorber is being absorbed.
ELTON
By what?
THE DOCTOR
By the Earth.
And she sinks back into the paving slab. A tear runs down Elton's cheek. Rose's anger has melted away.URSULA
Bye bye, Elton. Bye bye.
Rose looks at him for a moment, and then goes to him and puts her arms around his shoulders as he weeps quietly.ROSE
Who was she?
ELTON
(tearful)
That was Ursula.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
Back to the video diary.
EXT. SIDE ALLEYELTON
And that's it. Almost. Because the Doctor still had more to say.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMTHE DOCTOR
You don't remember, do you?
EXT. SIDE ALLEYELTON
And then he explained. That night.
Elton sits between the Doctor and Rose on some steps, Rose's armed linked through his.
INT. ELTON'S CHILDHOOD HOMEELTON (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
All those years ago.
THE DOCTOR
There was a shadow in your house.
We return once again to young Elton's view from the top of the stairs in his childhood home - fade to the hallway and then to the living room.
All those years ago, a troubled Doctor looks down at Elton.THE DOCTOR (CONT'D)
(voice-over)
A living shadow in the darkness. An elemental shade had escaped from the Howling Halls.
EXT. SIDE ALLEY
INT. ELTON'S CHILDHOOD HOMETHE DOCTOR (CONT'D)
I stopped it, but... I wasn't in time to save her.
(he looks Elton in the eyes)
I'm sorry.
In the living room, the camera pans down from the Doctor to reveal a blonde woman lying dead on the floor.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMELTON
(voice-over)
Because that was the night my mother died.
Elton sighs, eyes closed.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S CHILDHOOD HOME, KITCHEN
Cut to old footage of Elton's mother doing the washing up, smiling in indignation at someone filming her, mouthing 'stop it, go away!' good humouredly. She tries to hide her face and then resorts to flicking bubbles at whoever is filming, laughing.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
Elton says nothing, hands clasped in front of him.
EXT. SIDE ALLEY
On the steps, Elton's lip trembles.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
Elton is away from the camera, but we can see him sitting on his bed in the background, head bowed.
EXT. PARK
Cut to footage of Elton as a little boy, walking hand and hand with his mother in a park. She bends down and says something to him - then walks away, leaving him standing alone. She waves to him. Fade to white.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
Elton's sitting in front of the camera again on the video diary, but not looking at it.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMELTON
(quietly)
We forget because we must.
Elton switches the camera on - it's now pointing at his computer desk. He settles himself in the chair.
INT. LINDA HEADQUARTERSELTON
So, there you go. Turns out I've had the most terrible things happen. And the most brilliant things. And sometimes - well - I can't tell the difference. They're all the same thing. They're... they're just me. You know, Stephen King said once, he said... "salvation and damnation are the same thing". And I never knew what he meant. But I do now.
(he thinks about this)
'Cos the Doctor might be wonderful, but thinking back... I was having such a special time. Just for a bit. I had this nice little gang.
Flashback to the basement, LINDA's band playing, having a thoroughly good time.
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOM
EXT. SIDE ALLEYELTON (CONT'D)
And they were destroyed. It's not his fault. But maybe that's what happens if you touch the Doctor. Even for a second. I keep thinking of Rose and Jackie. And how much longer before they pay the price.
URSULA
(out of view)
Oh, now don't get all miserable. Come on, Elton. You've still got me.
ELTON
Oh yeah. 'Cos the Doctor said he could do one last thing with his magic wand...
The Doctor holds his sonic screwdriver to the paving slab into which Ursula dissolved.
He stands. Looks up, eyes wide.THE DOCTOR
If I can key into the absorption matrix and separate the last victim... it's too late for total reconstruction, BUT...
INT. HOME VIDEO, ELTON'S BEDROOMTHE DOCTOR (CONT'D)
Elton! Fetch a spade!
He stands up and retrieves a paving slab which had been sitting on the desk just out of frame. He sits back down and sets it on his lap.ELTON
Even then, after all that... the Doctor saved me one last time.
Ursula's face is peering out of the paving slab.ELTON
Here she is.
URSULA
Could be worse.
He picks up a remote control and points it at the camera - it zooms in and refocuses on his face.URSULA (CONT'D)
At least I'll never age. And it really is quite peaceful, you'd be surprised.
ELTON
(to the camera)
It's a relationship... of sorts... but we manage. We've even got a bit of a love life.
URSULA
Oh, let's not go into that.
ELTON
And I don't care what anyone thinks. I love her.
URSULA
(smiling up at him)
Ahh.
ELTON
But the thing is...
ELTON (CONT'D)
There we are... I've even bought a remote zoom.
(he replaces the remote)
But what I wanted to say is... you know, when you're a kid, they tell you it's all, grow up. Get a job. Get married. Get a house. Have a kid, and that's it.
(he shakes his head)
Ah. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It's so much darker. And so much madder.
(pauses, smiles)
And so much better.
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